I Don't Love My Husband Like I Used To


My husband's laughter echoes throughout the dark house, as his hands graze lightly across my swollen belly. He eagerly waits, a hint of a smile still on his lips, and laughs again as a series of punches and kicks erupts from my midsection.

Like most soon-to-be parents, we found ourselves awake in the early hours before the sun rises, talking about how much our lives were going to change in any moment. After all, it was just a matter of time before our family grew by one whole person. We'd manage our way through the sleepless nights, we'd decided, and we could tackle the mountains of poop. As long as we had each other, we would succeed. Our love would never change. 

And then, our little boy was born.

And as I sit here and remember the final weeks of my pregnancy, I can't help but think how everything has changed.

I had no idea how much I would relish in the delighted screeches that now bounce along those same walls, as my son chases his daddy throughout the house. We imagined them. Oh, we couldn't wait to hear his little voice for the first time. But, how was I to know how much I would anticipate the sounds of my husband's tires in the driveway after work. Not because I needed a break, but because the sounds of my boys laughing as I cook dinner melt away any stresses of the day.

I could have never dreamed of the amount of love and pride my heart could simultaneously hold as we stood, with his arms around me, watching our son confidently take his first steps. It was impossible for me to predict how much my heart would burst for my husband, as I looked at our son.

This love, it's deeper. It's far stronger. It's so much bigger than I could've ever imagined.

Because, after a long day with a teething baby, and a mountain of laundry, he's the one I want to laugh hysterically with when our son does something hilarious. He's the one who understands that our kid has been a sassy-pants for the last two days, and he's the one who tells me to sleep in anyway.

Our love has changed.

We find deep joy in watching the amazement in our son's eyes as he sees a duck for the first time. We occupy ourselves with discussions about diapers, and toys, and potty training. We no longer have a  burning desire to sneak away, just the two of us, onto some great adventure. Because we're now a party of three, and our love has only multiplied.

Of course my love for him has changed. I knew it the instant I softly placed that 8-pound newborn into his arms. In that moment, I saw how miraculous life itself was, and I knew that parenthood was going to be an incredible journey. I am so lucky to be on it with my best friend.

Until next time,
Savannah

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